Needful Things: Goth Girl’s Gift Guide for 2012

I don’t have a goth sister. Or wife. Or an eldergoth for a mom. If I did, I would so love shopping at Christmas. I’ve been asked more than once this season for tips and suggestions on what to buy for the darkly inclined. I tend to say books, music, handmade art, theatre tickets, and the like. I think it’s important to consume culture, not plastic crap from China nobody needs, even if it happens to be in the shape of a bat.

And so, I humbly present some ideas for beautiful, useful things most goth girls I know would love to find under the tree.  (After you’ve already purchased my own Encyclopedia Gothica, of course.) Note: I have stayed away from any clothing or things that need to fit properly to enjoy. Otherwise, this whole list would be Alexander McQueen and Fluevog shoes. And since most of these things are mail order for delivery, I apologize for waiting so long but hey, there’s always express mail, or Valentine’s Day, or next Halloween!


++     Sinful Stocking Stuffers for under $10!!     ++

Encyclopedia Gothica art prints by Gary Pullin ($10)
R is for Raven! B is for Bauhaus! A 6×6 print easy to frame, a letter for everyone you love….and %20 off right now with the code “Xmas2012”

Gothic Gardening Seeds ($3.00 and up)
The blackest hollyhock. Purple carrots. Moonflowers. For a girl with a black thumb, these gifts will bloom forever.

Goth Girl Bedroom Bliss

Black Magic Playing Cards ($7.88)
I just cleared out Sonic Boom Reco rds of their stock of these because I think a playing card that feels like it’s made of vinyl records and is so-black-on-black you can barely read the suit is going to be my lucky way to win at Goth poker.

Manic Panic “Lethal” or “Vampire’s Kiss” lipsticks ($8 each)
Any black or blood red lipstick would work, but this brand is cruelty-free and old-school punk rawk!

Joy Division “Love Will Tear us Apart” poster ($8.49)

Skulls & Stripes Knee-Highs ($8)
I know I said no clothing. But I own these and can assure you they fit all calf sizes. Plus they come from one of my favourite on-line stores in the world, Sock Dreams. Where you can also order some bat shoe laces.

++     Modest Proposals for under $50     ++

Neil Gaiman tarot cards and Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab perfume set ($30)
Beloved BPAL’s series based on Gaiman’s story “15 Painted Cards from a Vampire Tarot” gives you 1 tarot card and 5ml fragrance. Profits to the Comic Book Legal Defense fund for extra karma.

Black Swiss Army Knife ($38)
File your nails. Open a bottle of wine. Tweeze your brows. And oh yeah, saw off your own limbs to escape from bear trap. Everyone needs a good knife, girls included.

Bite me?

The Empire of Death: A Cultural History of Ossuaries and Charnel Houses ($31.50)
If your coffee table is made from the bones of your enemies, you need this tomb photography tome.

Vampire Bite Choker by Alchemy Gothic ($48.95)
Hide your love bites with this velvet choker adorned with red Swarovski crystal “blood drops” made by Alchemy, the go-to goth jeweler since 1977.

Absinthe Spoon ($28.90)
Goth as Fuck.

++     Spoil Me for under $200     ++

Dyptique  “Baies Noire” or “Feu de Bois” candles ($90)
Ninety dollars for a single candle? WTF? I almost bought one of these once, standing in their luxurious shop on boulevard St. Germaine, because they are truly exquisite. I didn’t. But I still dream of them. Hey, it’s cheaper than a trip to Paris.

“Bella” red bow Latex Gloves ($60)
I have a love/hate relationship with latex clothing. I love the way it looks, the way it feels, even the way it smells. But it’s so unforgiving. So it’s been a long while since I’ve felt like I can bust out the latex catsuit. But gloves fit all shapes and sizes and fingerless ones are especially practical. These ones are quite seasonal, and cute, and made by the very nice people at House of Etiquette in Toronto.

Save a Skull! ($200)
Help preserve one of the historical specimens at the Mutter Museum by “sponsoring” the skull of a teenage suicide, a victim of TB or other unfortunate soul.

Adopt a Vampire Bat ($100)
Skull too scary? Does she like bats, plush toys and charitable giving? The World Wildlife Fund has you covered.

Universal Monsters Coffin Blu-ray set ($150)
Dracula. Frankenstein. The Mummy. The Creature from the Black Lagoon. Why choose? And if you’re going to have movies on your shelf, why not in a coffin-shaped box?!

T is for thé

Musical Tea Set (59 Euros)
Mariage Freres is Paris’ famous teashop. They sell an overwhelming variety of teas, some at mind-boggling prices. This set, filled with packets of the loose green teas they call Nocturne Oriental, Thé des Rois, Thé au Sahara, Casablanca  and Thé Sur le Nil and a silver-plated measuring spoon, comes in a pretty music box that plays the opening notes of Franz Liszt’s Liebestraume nocturne: a dream of love.  A more budget friendly option is 100 grams of the splendid Tea of the Solitary Poet.

++     Dark Dreams of going to Splurgesville     ++

Alexander McQueen Skull Umbrella ($595)

Beauty. Beauty. Beauty. Beautiful.

I couldn’t miss putting something from McQueen on here. And those skull scarves are overpriced/overrated, imho. This, however, is a perfectly reasonable unreasonable luxury. Because while it can’t rain all the time, sometimes it does.

Ray Caesar book and print ($500)
One day, perhaps my favourite Canadian visual artist Ray Caesar will release prints of his extraordinary magical paintings, which sell for upwards of $5,000. Until then, this book, especially if you can afford the limited-edition that comes with a print of his study for Consort, is a total treasure.

Gothic Wrought-Iron Bed (£895)
I totally want to make out in this bed. That is all.

Elvira pin-ball machine ($5,000, aprox)
Hey, why does it always have to be a “man cave”? Girls can be gamers and geeks with the inability to resist blowing money on stuff too.

Catacombo Sound System (£23,500)
You can take it with you. Music, at least. This coffin has a built-in stereo system that plays music from your Spotify playlist using the CataPlay app. So if zombie Ian Curtis reunites with Joy Division, you won’t miss out.

On behalf of Goth Girls who dream of beautiful things, thanks for reading. Enjoy your gift giving.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *